Did you know shame intertwines with then commands possession of a soul? Shame rips the facts your mind tells you: that you are a loved woman created in the image and likeness of God, – to shreds.

You may manage to get through the day taking care of the children, working, cooking and getting housework done, or whatever your day looks like. If you are living with shame others would be completely surprised to the internal battles that rage within your heart and mind. The subtlety of shame’s presence is that before we realizing what’s happening we are entertaining shame, walking with it, allowing it to have its way with: our dreams, destroying our closest relationships, holding us back from walking in our spiritual gifts, or living, loving and leading like we were born to.

Life in the in-between is when you know in the depths of your soul you are born for greater (not material things, but greater LIFE with love, people and purpose). Shame, though, keeps you bound to believing that the way life has been is the way life will always be. And THAT IS THE BIG LIE OF SHAME. You can, at any time you are ready step out of the in-between and into the reason why you are here – to use all God gives you – your life, gifts and resources – to love God, others and yourself. God is always waiting for you to trust Him. To love Him. To believe He is who He is – the creator of your purposeful life.

My tagline scripture is: “But, as it is written, “What no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined, what God has prepared for those who love him”—

If you are living in the in-between of believing the lies of shame or stepping into your purposeful life, I hope today, right now, you ask God for living water to overwhelm your soul with The Truth so much so that you step across that threshold of shame, hand in hand with Jesus to stand, unashamed in His marvelous light.

Until next time…

Stay encouraged.

Keep the faith. ❤️

You are born to live, love and lead well. (no matter the fables or labels intended to make you forget ! )

Happy New Year to you!!!

As you are committing to a year of achievements, improvements, and better health, I hope you are including your emotional and spiritual well being too.  If you are, then here is an opportunity to get spiritually fit in community.

Reading through the Bible is a spiritual practice that can help shape our mindset and keep us deeply rooted throughout our entire lifetime. It can help us gain insight and wisdom, grow our faith and reveal the heart, character and ways of God. Reading and discussing the Holy Scriptures in community is a great gift and wonder. So let’s do this together ya’ll! Let’s let the most ancient, exciting and beautiful story EVER TOLD capture our hearts and minds so that we see, know, believe and trust Jesus in unimaginable new ways.

I just love how Pastor, Dr. Tim Mackie (even though he’s so humble I don’t think I’ve heard him refer to himself as Dr.) describe the Bible: as one unified story that leads to Jesus. That means The Old (testament) + The New (testament) is our sojourn with Jesus 2022!

This Bible reading approach is not meant to be a burden, a chore, overwhelming or leave us feeling guilty if we miss a day or a week (or more). It’s probably going to happen that we miss some days. The point of our daily reading is to help us experience the joy of knowing and relating to Jesus by loving Him with our minds and seeing how HE is central to the ENTIRE BIBLE.

Here are just a few things to consider:

• Decide where and when (a place and a a time) to read your daily passages
  • Pick a special place.
  • There are complementary videos that add a depth of understanding to the passages which I highly suggest you watch if you can. They’re beautiful. They’re informative. You’ll want to share them with others they’re so amazing. But if you cannot watch them don’t pressure yourself. Watch them later, or not.
  • The place and/or time of your daily reading may have to change from time to time. And, it’s OK.

• Keep a journal or notebook and write down at least one point in the reading that piqued your curiosity.
  • Share what you found interesting or insightful with the women of Love At The Well. Post it on our Facebook page or discuss it during our Tuesdays @ The Well pre-discussion. This is important for our reading in and as a community.
• If you miss a day or a week you can make up the reading, listen to an audio version of the missed verses, or just pick up with the day’s passages and read forward from there.

Each week’s readings will be posted here and on our Facebook page.

Let’s do this!!!

Stay encouraged.

Keep the faith.

You were born to live, love and lead well.  ❤️

How many times over the summer or doing this odd season were you asked: how are you doing?  How did you respond, with a typical, “I’m fine,” or were you able to let the one asking that in some respects you were not OK?  These are days where we need to be honest with ourselves about how we are doing.

We need to pay close attention to our emotional, mental, spiritual and physical states.  I’m quite sure I don’t have to mention the reasons why.  Pandemic, once-in-a-lifetime history making days or not, babies still cry for food.  Workplaces still want the work completed.  Homes still have to get cleaned.  Hair still needs to get done (or at least combed).

One of the ways to stay sane and settled in these days is to prioritize your rest and health.  You HAVE to make it a priority.  NO-THING is getting done if you are not OK.  These times are not to be messed with.  For weeks over the summer I stopped doing anything I didn’t have to.  Pressures built up in every part of me and I had to sit down or take walks.  And when thoughts of all the things I shoulda’ been doing tried to guilt-shame me into doing “something,” I recognized them for the sabotagers they are and stayed at the things that kept my mind and heart at peace and made me smile.  Being filled with what gives you peace and joy is THE ONLY WAY you can continue doing, whatever it is you “have” and want to do.

Heeding others’ demands, doing out of habit instead of your heart, and giving yourself projects to do because you can’t sit still will wear you out.  It feels really good to prioritize the people you know you are supposed to love and care for and the work you know you are supposed to do.  Others (and you) may be surprised when you reply with a  “I cannot,” or, “Perhaps another time, I cannot right now.”  But, your family, your friends, the world, need you to prioritize and guard the health of your heart and mind.

So, hey my sister, how are you?

Stay encouraged.

Keep the faith.

God sees you.

You were born to live, love and lead well. ♥️

I have never done the birthday month thing, but if this panoramic pancetta pestilent of a pandemic has taught me anything it is to celebrate something every day. So this year I am celebrating, giving thanks to God every single day for life, and reflecting on this walk of love.

Today’s reflection:

When I Didn’t Know What I Didn’t Know

When I didn’t know how to love, I didn’t know I didn’t know how to love.  I did not realize this fact until I heard someone so passionately urge, “Mothers, love your children.” Those words of deep concern stretched their tentacles from the platform around the arms of each of us seated close enough for them to shake into loving action confused and unhinged me.

For me, love, at that time, was a four letter word. I’d never said or heard it said to me in any meaningful way. It was an odd, unwelcome word. But there I sat hearing the consequences my children, family and those in my sphere of influence would endure if I did not love them.  The heart, passion and pleading of the speaker was so sincere I decided not to run from his urging.  Instead I became desperate.  Yes, I thought.  I hear you. I really hear you telling me what I need to do.  But how?  How do I love?  What does it even look like? 

Learning to love required me to learn and unlearn what I’d come to know about it.

I needed a changed mind.

My first step to learning how to love was replacing old, damaging thoughts and beliefs about love I’d come to know through witnessing dysfunctional people relate and experiencing the damaging consequences to my heart from abuse.  How did I do it?  By turning to and pleading with Love Himself to teach me and help me.

The only way to learn what Love is and how to Love is to be taught by Love.  Love desires to be found and to be sought.  God has revealed Himself, Love, to the whole world, to every person He ever created.  And He says, “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all of your heart.”  So with my tattered, shredded, wrong thinking mind and heart I sought God.  I looked up Love in the Bible.  I read how and why He created Adam and Eve in Genesis. I read and I prayed.  I prayed and I read. Until on one ordinary day I found myself saying I love you and smiling with a deep down joy I never knew, when I heard it said back to me.

God’s responding to my desperation to know how to love reminds me of Jesus’ response to a leper that showed up to Jesus and said he knew that if Jesus was willing to cleanse him, he would be healed.  “Jesus stretched out His hand and touched him saying,“I am willing, be cleansed.”  

God is always waiting to yes to our desperation to be rid of the things of this world that keep us unhealed. If love is a difficult, maybe a four letter word for you – Jesus is willing. He can touch you and heal you of un-love.

Stay encouraged.

Keep the faith.

You were born to live love and lead well.

Going against the flow was so much easier this time.  I just didn’t have the energy to send follow-up emails and video messages the day of and the day after the conference.  Instead I needed to do what my soul was pleading.  Step back. Turn it off. Get away.  The computer. Instagram. Facebook.  All of it. Off.  So I did.  After our Seen and Heard conference last week I did what I suggested some of the others do: bask in what God has done and what He is up to right now.  Rest your soul for goodness sake.

Now I can re-emerge from my sweet sojourning to say:

It was a joy, privilege and honor to have hosted our most recent recent Seen & Heard conference. We took a look at the lives of Brown Girls through the eyes of Brown girls. Listen ya’ll, emotions were all over the place – there was laughter, tears, anger, and joy at what we saw, heard and experienced.  Y’all I watched the video of the little girl saying she’s ugly again and was as overtaken as I was when Khristi showed it.

We kicked the hour off with a BGM (Brown Girls Matter) scavenger hunt with our cool Christian chick facilitators Alesa and Ciara, hosts of the Navigate with Faith podcast: Then our special guest of the hour, Khristi Lauren Adams taught us, ya’ll about the trials and triumphs of Brown girls.  At times it was truly heart-wrenching and at other times it was full of joy and hope. 

To the hundreds of you who responded to this conference by saying “Yes!”, seeing and hearing Brown girls matters, – thank you!  Thank you for registering. Thank you for attending.  Thank you for participating.  Thank you for the messages. Thank you for showing up.

If there is one point made that I hope everyone remembers it is how important it is to affirm Brown girls – of all ages, but especially our young girls.  They are bombarded with messages of how ugly, loud, angry, and of little value to the world they are.

Our words matter.

We must speak beauty, hope, life and Truth into the ears of Brown girls so they learn to love themselves as young as possible.  The most important Truth, as Khristi underscored, is that Brown girls are made in the image and likeness of God. Full stop. Exclamation point.

Then wouldn’t you just know it! Just when the conversations were getting good and deep and real, it was time to go.  But you know what that means: we will continue having Seen & Heard conferences!

In order to affirm our children we must be sure that we are affirming and loving ourselves too. My personal life mission and the mission of Love at Well is to help women live, love and lead well.  If you, being completely honest with yourself, struggle with loving you, affirming you, loving others or affirming others, then join the Love at The Well Community – a safe, welcoming, learning, supportive community of women committed to healing and becoming whole so we can live, love and lead like God calls us to.Some of the resources and discussion points from Seen and Heard are available in our community Facebook group. Join the Facebook Group, HERE.  

THANK YOU KHRISTI ♥️ for all of the great Brown Girl insights you brought to us. You changed hearts and minds! To stay connected to Khristi Adams, follow her on Instagram, twitter or find out what she’s up to on her Website.

THANK YOU ALESA AND CIARA ♥️ . Your hearts and energy kept us engaged and leaning in! To stay connected to Alesa and Ciara of Navigate With Faith, subscribe to their Podcast.

THANK YOU ALL

for showing up honest, ready and vulnerable enough to do what’s necessary to live, love and lead as God’s powerfully beautiful imagers in this world.

THANK YOU GOD FOR ALL YOU’VE DONE FOR US

♥️ ♥️ ♥️

A Mother’s Day Poem For you

Wherever in the world you happen to be

America, Ghana, Brazil or New Delhi

Look to the sky dream dreams on high

Smell the roses, eat sweet potato pie

Dress up how you want to, look super fly

This Mother’s Day we can go outside (Hallelujah, thank You Jesus)!

So dance, laugh, and let love testify.

Do you sometimes scroll through social media pages and see women living in their personal successes but it seems like you cannot take many steps forward in your own life? 

Have you spent far too many years on the sidelines, in dim light, watching other women walk hand in hand with their children laugh with friends, enjoy romantic dates with their boyfriends or husbands and it feels as though you will never have such a joy filled life – this is for you.

Do you have all the appearances of a woman who’s got it together but you feel like a fraud, an imposter – because behind closed doors guilt & shame get the best of you – wrecking your head, your heart, your relationships and your mascara?

Do you feel like a failure as a mother because of past mothering mistakes that have wrecked relationships with your children?

Do you believe that the mistakes you made or are making are the unforgivable sins?

I can ask these questions and more, because my answer to every one of them has been yes. For more years than I’d like to remember, Mother’s day was filled with remembrances of the soulful love of my grandmother, and amazingly special times with my two beautiful, God-given daughters. Memories of the loss of my mother at five and the untold numbers of hurtful mistakes I made as a mother of two daughters fill any gaps in the day.

If you sometimes struggle with overwhelming emotions of shame and unworthiness during Mother’s day know that you are not alone.  I mean who is going to admit to having these feelings?  It goes against everything we believe should be happening in our head and hearts which – brings on more shame as we walk through shopping malls and browse social media postings of the happiest of the happiest women.

Knowing that there are mothers who live with deep guilt, shame, and regret – who believe relationships with their children and perhaps others are beyond repair, who long for forgiveness, hope and healing – is why I began sharing my story and started Love At The Well. 

Well that and because God encourages me, in every way, to tell it.

It’s never easy for me to share my story.  It’s not one of those glamorous ones about how smart, highly favored and blessed with family, relationships I was from the time I took my first breath. No, it’s almost the exact opposite.  But I have to share it. Why? 

Because I know what’s possible for those who walk the same path I did and still do.

So if you are filled with joy and pain on this Mother’s Day,

I am here to let you know that God can heal your heart

God can open the way to love in your life again

God can restore your hope

God can free you of the burden of the unforgiveness you have towards yourself

God can release the shackles of shame that weigh you down

God can fill your lungs with His breath that will ignite an energy and passion for your purpose

God can restore your relationships with your children and others to beyond what you think is possible

If you want to live the shame-free life of purpose borne of every experience you have had, then here’s how to begin:

• • Every day, whether for five, fifteen, or some other amount of time, place yourself in God’s Hands.  Don’t speak. Don’t ask. Don’t petition.  Just sit, yielding yourself to God for the amount of time you set aside.  This habit will begin to shape and solidify prioritizing presence with God as the most important part of your day and life.  The world’s system and its core values of competition, human hierarchies, power and success which is behind so much trauma people suffer.
  • Identify the broken areas in your heart. Let yourself see them and recognize they are there.  When you go into your silent times of presence with God, though you are not saying anything, He already sees them. He knows what you need regarding those broken places.
  • Share at least one of those broken areas with someone you know who cares about you.  Be careful who you select here. This needs to be someone who has earned your trust.  It is important though to share our broken places with others though because it is bringing light into dark places that defeats shame.  The power of shame is in its attempt to keep us hiding and believing that we are our worst mistakes, rather than we are beautiful, loved, beloved images of God who have made mistakes.

If don’t have a clue as to what I’m talking about and have never experienced any of these feeling. Well to God be the glory and please pray for a woman near you because somebody you know may never let you know the turmoil she bears in her soul.

To every mother and caretaker of children, I pray you will walk in the grace, mercy, love, forgiveness, hope and arms of Jesus on this Mother’s Day.  He will break every chain, dispel every lie and free you to walk in the royal role of Mother He has given you, if you let Him.

God bless you. 

Stay encouraged.

Keep the faith.

God sees you.